Presented by Defender

Angry Birds!
The Marine Edition

Avoiding the Poop Deck

By Frank Lanier

Don’t blame the birds. Evolution, it seems, has left them without anal sphincters (and we bet you never thought you’d read that term in Southern Boating). It makes sense, if you’re flying, not to carry around extra weight, so unlike our yachts, birds have no holding tanks. Instead, they foul our decks and docks, creating never-ending opportunities for scrubbing, spraying, and yes, cursing. Under the Federal Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918, it’s illegal to hunt, trap, possess, harm or kill many species of birds. Humans—and especially mariners—are, however, nothing if not innovative. We have come up with a dizzying array of devices intended to discourage birds from landing on, or even coming near our vessels. Here is just a small sample of the bird-brained “tweetments” intended to preserve your pristine topsides. (We suggest that you hum along to our theme song, “Gulls Just Guano Have Fun.”)

Area denial weapons

A first type of birdie buggers are those intended to keep birds from landing by mechanical means. The Gullsweep® is a small windmill, about six feet in diameter, that may be mounted to a deck area, Bimini or boom. In light winds it rotates, sweeping birds away. It is completely effective but there are still many areas that birds quickly learn are not inside the circle—and there they will, uh, sit. A similar type of device is a “spider,” which has several flexible metal arms with weights at the ends that move about. Spiders may be found in diameters from two to eight feet and also cover a circular area. For areas without much wind or wave action to move a sweep or spider, the solar bird repeller uses a solar panel and small motor to spin two 2.5-foot telescoping arms at 30 rpm. Another method of keeping birds from landing are bird spikes, which are sharp wires or plastic strips, about six inches long, that come attached to a ribbon or solid base. These may be tied along the topside of a spar, removably mounted to a rail, or permanently mounted to a radome or masthead. A variant of these for use at the masthead is a spiky ball, raised on a halyard and allowed to swing on a pigstick. The use of a monofilament fishing line is easy and popular. Tied about six inches above a deck, cover or spar, this line is invisible to the birds but keeps them from landing.

Scare tactics

A true mariner worth his or her salt is never above a bit of avian terrorism in pursuit of a clean deck. Flash tape is a Mylar material that may be tied to rigging, lifelines and other locations. It flutters in the breeze and reflects sunlight to frighten our feathered friends away. Similarly, long strings of plastic pennants, the type often seen at used car lots, may be tied above the deck. Chaser pennants, plastic or metal tags with reflective tape may be tied to lifelines and rigging to serve a similar purpose.

Simulated predators are an entire industry. Balloons with eyes, plastic hawks, owls—and even cats and snakes—are available, some with solar powered movement and others of the “bobblehead” variety. Mounted on a nearby piling or perched on deck, these synthetic critters are reputed to keep birds at bay.

Active annoyances

Two types of systems actively try to annoy the birdies. The sonic bird chaser is a digital recorded sound system that may be programed to play any of 22 types of bird calls. While perhaps effective, other tenants at your dock may also be quite annoyed at the persistent bird-less bird chatter. For instance, the Deck Guard uses ultrasonic whistles to annoy birds into leaving your boat. Again, since some of your dockmates may be sensitive to high frequencies or suffer from migraines, you may want to check ahead before investing in such a device. Finally, the Scarecrow sprinkler system is well-suited to floating docks and other flat areas. This spike sprinkler uses a passive infrared sensor to trigger a burst of water spray in the direction of any sensed movement. While more effective against larger birds and not very sensitive when used in direct sun, the spray is very good at discouraging ducks, cormorants and the like. Beware that the Scarecrow will also attempt to squirt you and your guests off the dock.

There are, it seems, as many good ways to keep our feathered friends from fouling our deck and dock as there are birds in the sky. One thing is certain, however: the only foolproof method of keeping the poop off the deck is to park your freshly washed car nearby.